The level of sheer willful blindness displayed in the Security Council makes me wonder if the corridors of the UN building are padded so as to alleviate any serious injury from constantly running into walls and tumbling down stairs, which seems as if it would have to be the inevitable result of the stance that 3 out of the 4 permanent international members of the UNSC have taken towards Iraq. Basically, the rhetorical pose that CHina, Russia and France have taken is close their eyes, cover their ears and hum loudly so as to not let any kind of rationality or bare facts slip past their screen against reality.

 

FOREIGN MINISTER TANG JIAXUAN OF CHINA . . . The inspections have been going on for more than two months now. The two agencies have been working very hard and their work deserves our recognition. It is their view that now they are not in a position to draw conclusions, and they suggested continuing with the inspections. We should respect the views of the two agencies and support the continuation of their work.

 

Well, there you have it. The situation has been reduced to an urge not to disparage all the hard work by the inspectors who have all been trying their bestest, by golly, and wouldn’t it be just a heartless thing to do to stop them now? They might think we don’t appreciate them!

But don’t worry, China, we’ll explain one by one to all the crestfallen inspector-dears that it’s not their fault we’re cutting things short. They didn’t do anything wrong. Rather, it’s those big mean Iraqis who refused to play fair. I think they’ll understand. We’ll calmly tell them that we would just love to let them poke under every rock and sand dune to their hearts’ content, but it takes two to play INSPECTION, and the Iraqis are being bad playmates. They shouldn’t be hanging around kids like that anyway.

It is the universal desire of the international community to see a political settlement to the issue of Iraq within the U.N. framework and avoid any war.

 

See, this is the scene where Matlock says, “Well, Mr. Tang Xiajuan, I’m just a simple country boy, and I admit, I don’ know nuthin’ ’bout yer fancy UN ways. But I have to ask myself the question ’bout just how ‘universal’ can that there desire be when just recently these dozen or so European countries just said that they’re as ready to and willing to go as my Aunt Mabel after a jug o’ moonshine and a few Hank WIlliams records?”

 

FOREIGN MINISTER IGOR S. IVANOV OF RUSSIA . . . We are convinced that maintaining the unity of the world community, primarily within the context of the U.N. Security Council, and our concerted action in strict compliance with the United Nations Charter and Security Council resolutions, are the most reliable way to resolve the problem of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq through political means. . . .

 

Well, see, now that’s just flat wrong. The most reliable way to solve the problem of WMDs in Iraq would be to turn the place into a large glass crater. Not that I’d advocate that, but let’s be honest and straight with our terms, my slavic friend.

You might say that your suggested road is the wisest way. You’d be painfully (electrodes-on-your-testicles painfully) wrong about that, but hey, this is free country, so you can say it (lucky that the UN isn’t headquartered in Moscow, Paris or Beijing, huh?).

 

The information provided today by the U.S. secretary of state once again convincingly indicates the fact that the activities of the international inspectors in Iraq must be continued.

 

“The inspectors haven’t been able to find anything because Iraq has been continually and aggressively hindering them, ergo, the inspections must continue.”

I’ll let my readers, who are probably smarter than me, figure that one out, since I’m just plain stumped.

 

They alone can provide an answer to the question to what extent is Iraq complying with the demands of the Security Council.

 

Well, they alone, and me: to no extent. There’s your answer. You can send me a cheque.

Not a Russian cheque. I just bought a 300 roll Value Pak of toilet paper from CostCo.

 

FOREIGN MINISTER DOMINIQUE DE VILLEPIN OF FRANCE . . . By unanimously adopting Resolution 1441, we chose to act through the inspections. This policy rests on three fundamental points: a clear objective, on which we cannot compromise, the disarmament of Iraq; a method, a rigorous system of inspections requiring of Iraq active cooperation and which affirms at each stage the central role of the Security Council; a requirement, finally, that of our unity, it gave full force to the message that we unanimously addressed to Baghdad. .. .

 

Bah. Your three-pronged, unambiguous stipulation reeks of simplisme.

No worries though, because we can all take comfort in the fact that underneath what sounds like a down-to-earth, no-nonsense call to clear-thinking actually has layers and layers of delightfully cosmopolitan Frankish nuance. Or “bullshit,” as the plain-spoken folks call it.

 

  • A clear objective, on which we cannot compromise, the disarmament of Iraq: So, um…. uh… Ok, I’m just confused. Maybe it’s because I didn’t take my Weasel pill this morning, but could someone more sophisticated than myself please explain to me how ignoring the specific, mandated tenets of resolution 1441 amounts to not compromising its clear objective? Preferably someone with a turtleneck and a copy of Foucault under their arm. They’re usually pretty good and making up crap like that.
  • A method, a rigorous system of inspections requiring of Iraq active cooperation and which affirms at each stage the central role of the Security Council: (Apu voice) “Iraq, I have asked you nicely to cooperate with the inspectors. If you do not do so, you will leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again.”And boy, the French ego must be frankly (heh) hurting pretty bad right about now if they require daily affirmations of their relevance to the international community… “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, I take a central role in international affairs.” 
  • A requirement, finally, that of our unity, it gave full force to the message that we unanimously addressed to Baghdad: In other words, “It’s more important to do things together than to do the right thing.”
































































































































































































































































































































last update : 16-8-2017

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