So, I’m sure by now all and sundry in the Blogosphere have mercilessly sunk their teeth into this, and rhetorically torn Arianna’s SUV-hating cadre of concerned celebs a gaping new one, but I still feel I’ve got something to add perhaps.

First of all, don’t misunderstand where I’m coming from. I’m a card carrying member of the Stars Should Try to Overcome their Overpowering Propensity for Insipid Didacticism nonprofit organization (join SSTOOPID today!). We’re currently working on a motto. I suggested, “Hey, celebrities, shut the fuck up about who we should vote for and what we should drive and get back to making your dumbass movies and CDs!”

Everyone else thought it was a bit too long, though.

Anyway, given my personal affiliations, I’d be the first to have to control that big vein on my forehead from popping due to the rage that boils up whenever someone like Arianna Huffington decides to try to use her influence (read: money) and that of other cultural “elites” to save the planet from the selfish stupidity and blind ignorance of the American plebes.


MANY of the Hollywood celebrities behind the new campaign against gas-guzzling SUVs are hypocrites who consume huge quantities of fossil fuels in their stretch limos, Gulfstream jets and oversized Beverly Hills mansions. 

TV producer Norman (“All in the Family”) Lear, who is spearheading the conservation crusade along with columnist Arianna Huffington, built a garage for 21 cars five years ago which stands 45 feet tall.


Gwyneth Paltrow is appearing in ads for Lear’s Enviromental Media Association (EMA) accusing SUV owners of supporting terrorism. But some of Paltrow’s neighbors find her to be an odd choice for an anti-SUV poster girl.

“She drives a Mercedes-Benz SUV,” says a tipster who lives down the block from Paltrow’s West Village digs.


Et cetera and so forth…

Other hypocrites involved in the campaign to make SUV stand for “Sinfully Unholy Vehicle” include Chevy Chase and (of course!) Barbra Streisand. But then, being the on-the-ball types that you all are, you already knew all this was coming .

So yes, there is of course a large amount of justifiable “ah-ha!”-ism that accompanies the inevitable slew of stars revealing themselves to be something less than hard and fast devotees to those very principles and admonitions which they heap upon the public with more enthusiasm than they would show even for one of their atrociously silly pet projects about, say, aliens with unlikely dredlocks that take over Earth, and gosh, isn’t L. Ron Hubbard swell?

This is all well and good. I don’t have a problem with criticising someone for being a hypocrite, especially those with that special mix of sanctimony and vacuousness so rife among the Hollywood ridiculentsia. It’s satisfying to see.

However, the hypocrisy of Huffington’s haranguing horde isn’t the most notable stupidity of this whole episode.

To be sure, people who reveal themselves to be from the “drive what I say, not what I drive” school of public advocacy should certainly cause some raised eyebrows among those being exhorted to do exactly what their apparent moral and cultural betters can’t find it in themselves to, but it is not the conclusive lynchpin that automatically invalidates their proscriptions that people in the Blogosphere and the mainstream media seem to think it is.

I admit, I’ve done no exhaustive survey to find out what the statistical preponderence of opinion on the matter has been, but from the half-dozen or so sources I have read over the last day, every one has focused on the fact that these self-appointed high priests of petroleum policy don’t even follow their own highhanded advice.

Certainly not an invalid point to make, and certainly not an unenjoyable one, either. But what I haven’t yet seen (and I admit, it may be due to the fact that I simply haven’t been looking hard enough) is anyone explain clearly why the idea that driving an SUV makes you responsible for support given to Islamic terrorists is a sack of pure, self-contained idiocy all by itself. When you get down to it, it really doesn’t matter whether Arianna Huffington shuffles herself from pointless meeting to useless publicity stunt in a HumVee XX-Tra Large that gets 17 feet to the gallon or a 70 pound go-cart powered by her own sense of self-satisfaction. What really matters is the fact that her notion of Americans pumping gas into SUVs at the local Chevron being morally complicit for petrodollars flowing into the murderous hands of inhuman Islamist pigs is about as stupid an idea that ever wormed its way out of her chattering yap. And that’s saying a lot.

Ultimately, to point out Huffington and Co’s admittedly infuriating hypocrisy only serves to discredit them as spokesmen, but not the substance of their argument itself. You may look disdainfully, and even look with suspicious cynicism at a man who is constantly advising people to not drink and drive, yet gets trashed every weekend and comes home with a new section of fence dragging from his bumper, but none of that invalidates the proposition that drinking and driving is something people should not do.

I wish I saw more people in the media and the Blogosphere pointing out that, for instance, it is moral idiocy to imply some sort of causality between Americans buying oil and the evil, corrupt crapocracies in the Middle East showering the most violent and reprehensible people on the face of the Earth with that money.

At bottom, it’s just a variation of the hoary ol’ “root causes” argument, which seeks to shift the impetus for an act so far back along the string of events that assigning responsibility becomes purely absurd, and has been cleansed of any kind of consideration for the primary agency. To say that planes flying into the WTC draws any significant impetus from an American and his X-Terra is to blindly, ridiculously, willfully ignore the fact that numerous evil people all over the world deliberately, out of either adherence to a backward and violent ideology, or fear of its practitioners, funneled that money to profoundly hateful men who then deliberately used it to kill thousands of innocent Americans.

But of course, according to that insane brand of telescopic fantasy vision, those Americans weren’t really innocent, because they helped fund those terrorists with their gas-guzzling cars. Sorta like the way America is at least partially at fault for building the WTC and the Pentagon in the first place . After all, if we hadn’t put up those buildings to begin with, Al Qeada wouldn’t have had anything to knock down, right?


And to this, they might rejoin: “We’re not really accusing Americans of being morally responsible, we’re just saying that’s the way the world is right now, and we had best recognize that and adjust our lives accordingly.”

This assumes that we can’t change the fact that oil money is funneled to terrorists, and that is, in short, the biggest sack of crap this side of Michael Moore’s ass. For doing just that is one of the two main focuses of the war on terror, and there are numerous indications that great progress has and is being made. When Saddam is just an unpleasant memory and the mullahs of Iran have been deposed by their own people, a significant amount of the apparatus for getting money to extremists will immediately be dismantled. This will further isolate Saudi Arabia and many others, making it easier to pressure them into taking real and substantive steps towards cutting off their complicity, especially financially, in the acts of groups like Al Qeada.

Not only is this a possible thing to do, but it is the right thing to do, pragmatically and morally. Morally, because it does not seek to effect an unnecessary de facto retreat in the face of unjustified aggression, and pragmatically, because it addresses the fact usually ignored by Huffington’s ilk: that the extra gas used by SUV’s is not particularly significant when measured against total oil consumption, and that if we wanted to stop money flowing into terrorist hands by altering our lifestyle, then we’d best do a lot more than just stop buying SUVs.

And therein lies the real point about this whole charade of “supporting terrorists.” This is really a crusade against the SUV as a symbol of what they consider brash American consumerism as a whole. The extra oil used is functonally insignificant, while what they percieve the SUV says about some phantom arrogant American character is really what gets their goat and leaves them clucking their tongues at the American public.

It’s a root cause, you see, just as American “cultural imperialism” inflames the Arab street, so does America’s oblivious and uncouth love for big, expensive, gas-guzzling cars turn the noses of the rest of the world in disgust. And, what with folks from Hollywood being the enlightened, globally concious and multilateralist individuals they are, they are of course horrified at this.

They can’t actually say that though. That would be madness. The hot-headed bumpkins in flyover country would get all riled up and maybe stop going to our movies if we let them in on that ugly little secret…

Indeed, I’m not entirely sure the earnest stars are even in on the secret themselves. Maybe they really do believe they’re just helping all the ignorami with their Range Rovers and Suburbans “connect the dots,” so they can see the error of their ways . Maybe they really think that getting a few less miles per gallon is akin to handing Hassam “I want to kill all Americans” Ali a fresh Ben Franklin with which to buy some more plastique to incinerate Americans.

If they believe that, they’re idiots. If they don’t believe that, they’re idiots and liars.

Yes, and hypocrites.

last update : 23-5-2018

Comments are closed.