Folks, this article in the Guardian is composed of nauseating condescension so pure and rich and finely formed that it should be bottled and sold at a handsome profit to college professors and media commentators everywhere.

Just to give you an idea, the subheadline reads: “In the US, not everyone is an overweight gun fanatic – and not everyone wants a war with Iraq.”

That’s good to know . I was worried for a minute that I suddenly gained 50 pounds and mounted a rifle in the rear window of my truck (the rifle thing wouldn’t really be too bad, though I wouldn’t know what to do with it, but I really could do without the 50 pounds).

This commentary is high-octane laugh out-loud or pump your fist in anger material, people. I opted for the laughing, but the two are like genius and insanity: there’s a fine line between them .

Apparently, the author, Duncan Campbell is engaged in a masturbatory orgy of self-aggrandizing magnanimity, since he apparently believes he’s being eminently generous in taking the brave stance to admit that actually not every last American is a crazy warmongering redneck.

“Now people, people, calm down, come on, calm down now. At risk of great personal insult, I am not afraid to stand up and say that not all Americans are Neanderthals!”

“Boooo! Hisssssss!”

“Boo and hiss at me if you will, but that’s the principled line I’m taking . It’s a matter of truth, of saying what you think, and I will not be cowed by criticism!”

His bravery and iconoclasm is so refreshing ain’t it? There’s just one minor caveat:

All the unmurderous non-knuckledraggers in this country happen to unanimously agree with Mr. Duncan and his Euro chums about everything pertaining to terrorism, the war with Iraq, gun control, spaying and neutering your pets, and the in-field fly rule, because otherwise, they really are a bunch of bloodthirsty simpletons.

Your generous and civil concession to your opponents just brought a tear to my eye, Duncan, you miserable snot .

Throughout the article, he cites laughing stocks such as Michael Moore and immature kids on “newly radicalised campuses” as prima facie evidence that we’re not all mindless bigots.

Inspired by Duncan’s example, I hereby resolve to be equally generous in my attitude about Europe from now on. How’s this?

“You know, not every last European is an effete, appeasing, morally obtuse weakling who would sooner give Saddam Hussein a hummer and the PA a wad of cash and Jewish babies for ritual slaughter before they would stand up for what’s right. After all, there are some people over there who agree with me! They’re ok folks…”

How’s that, you sniveling Eurotoad?

last update : 19-4-2018

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