From the M³ News Wire

Saddam Hussein was unanimously elected to a new three-month term yesterday, with Iraqi crowds showing enthusiastic support for the Baath party leader to continue his reign, that is of course, until the American military comes and blows his ass to protein paste. “This serves a clear and incontrovertible demonstration that the Iraqi people want our president to continue at the helm of our country,” said Izzat Ibrahim, vice chairman of the Revolutionary Command Council. Ibrahim added, “He will continue to guide us… at least until a wire-guided missile sends him into the hands of Allah .”

Sentiment on the Arab street was similarly supportive. Enthusiastic chants of “90 more days, about! 90 more days, give or take!” echoed throughout Bahgdad’s streets late Tuesday evening, as Saddam supporters poured into the publci squares, not at all influenced by the many Republican guard officials with Ak-47s that went door to door and inquired politely if they would like to participate in a pro-Saddam rally.

“Nothing can stop Saddam now!” said one cheering crowd member. “That is, excepting the US Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard, National Guard, Salvation Army or the League of Women Voters. But aside from any of them trying something, Saddam’s place in Iraq is definately secure.”

Many Iraqi citizens claimed truiumphantly that this vote shows that as long as there is a Saddam, he will rule Iraq . They further added that this amount of time could extend into the future as much as, “Oh… ten or twelve weeks.”

Women were seen carrying heart shaped pictures of Saddam, embroidered with roses, which it was later explained are a traditional form of mourning for a dearly departed friend. 

“Oh, we know he’s not dead . And of course he will rule for a very long time, said Abra Khalid, holding up one of the pictures. “But why wait till the last minute, you know?”


Abdul Razzah claimed that he was already eager to vote for Saddam again.

“I cannot wait until we can once again cast a vote in favor of our noble ruler. I am eagerly anticipating that day when we can all cast our ballot for naming Saddam a national fallen hero and martyr,” he said, adding, “It will be hard for all of us to wait until January or thereabouts.”

last update : 19-4-2018

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