From the M³ News Service

KHARTOUM – Riots have wracked the capitol of Sudan in the last 36 hours, causing over 175 deaths and millions of dollars of property damage as angry mobs killed and burned down buildings in response to a celebrity endorsement for HappyTime brand cola drinks which claimed “HappyTime is so refreshing, Mohammad himself would enjoy it!” Principal targets by the rioters were members of the Christian minority of Sudan, long held to be drinkers and purveyors of “lacivious and blasphemous cola beverages” by the hardline clerics that guide much of the African country’s Muslim population .

Inflamed by claims in prominent government newspapers that HappyTime “uses the blood of Sudanese Muslim children” to flavor their products, the HappyTime bottling plant in the industrial section of Khartoum was looted and burned .”

Upon being informed that they would have to push them over 350 miles in order to accomplish this, the protesters decided upon the alternate plan of pushing them into a drainage ditch. The executives of HappyTime Inc. were reported as being in good, but dirty condition later that day.

last update : 19-4-2018

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