It’s amusing to watch those with such an obviously silly journalistic axe to grind strain and heave and batter their words and sentences and “arguments” about in a vain attempt to twist them into just the right deceptive shape, to draw a bold black line between the two most diametrically opposed points, which are, on their face, complete opposites. Inevitably, such labors always leave them with a steaming journalistic turd of nonsense, which they gleefully heave at unsuspecting readers as if they were riled-up chimps at the county zoo, leaving the bemused or sometimes digusted spectators to wonder just what the hell is their damn problem?

Sometimes, you just can’t know. They’re friggin’ apes fer chrissake.

Well this week’s convoluted feces-flinger award goes to Richard Goldstein of the Village Voice, who must’ve pulled a muscle to distort reality to the extent that he does in his foolish pile of crap entitled, “The Eminem Consensus,” in which he argues that Eminem’s violently despicable homophobia and misogyny apparently becoming more accepted now that he’s got himself a silly little movie is part and parcel with George Bush and the Packs scoring a midterm election victory. For you see, Eminem is a violent bigot, and George Bush… well, we here at the Village Voice don’t have to spell it out for you, do we?

He doesn’t waste any time getting right to the idiocy. I suppose we should be thankful for at least that. It’s nice when the angry chimp doesn’t even pretend to act like he wants that banana, trying only to entice you more into range of his hand-propelled fecal missile. Honesty (even stupid and ugly honesty) can be refreshing.

Two events of lasting significance occurred last week: the breakdown of the Democratic party and the breakthrough of Eminem. His debut film, “8 Mile”, became the highest-grossing movie in America just days after Republicans won control of Congress. These two events may not seem related, but they both reflect the mainstreaming of ideas that seemed extreme just two years ago. Bush’s right-wing agenda and Eminem’s violent misogyny were once considered over the line. Now they have crossed over and become the line.



I know, I feel dirty too. And it’s the kind of filth that doesn’t come off very easily.

So then folks, just to recap, just to make sure we’re all on the same Groupthink page here, just so we can rest easy in our self-assurance that no one needs to be sent to the Idiotarianizing Re-education Camp for a lesson in what to think. .. school vouchers, limited privatization of social security, and an aggressive protection of our citizen’s lives from clear foreign enemies are the same thing as graphically describing cutting your own mother’s head off and killing gays just for the fun of it. Right, got it. I’ll be sure to write that down in my little Village Voice Red Book.

Not that Em is a Republican (though he might favor ending the estate tax). But he and George W. Bush do have certain things in common.

Of course. Lot’s of similarities! George W. Bush is a human male, and, at least according to the tabloids, so is Eminem!. Bush reportedly has a head, two arms and two legs. A quick review of recent photgraphs of Eminem (I will assume they have not been photoshopped by conspiracy-minded folks) reveals that he in fact possesses identical appendages!

This one is big. Thankfully, we’ve got Goldstein to breathlessly blow the lid off of this pressure-cooker and let the people know. Let’s see what damning parallels this sad little man has for us…

Both draw their power from the compelling image of the strongman posing as the common man. Both played the populist card to win the nation’s heart. And I would argue that both owe their success to the sexual backlash.

Where to begin… the idiocy is so thick. I’m gonna need a shovel.

No, a bulldozer . A nuclear-powered bulldozer.

First of all, despite (or actually, in this case, consonant with) all my dislike for Eminem, no one can say he just “poses” as a common man. He is common. Breathtakingly common. Stunningly common. Atrociously common.

And by common I mean the way the trash in the gutter is common.

Bush’s “common man” on the other hand, shows a remarkable lack of the things that make Eminem what he is. I don’t observe the man exhaustively 24 hours a day, so perhaps some other, more informed folks could point me to those facets of the president’s persona that appeal to violent, stupid adolescent white trash yearning for someone to give them fantasies of power and importance and relevance.

Was it the faith-based initiatives, you mean?

Yeah, that must be it.

And as for the “populist card,” name one celebrity or politician that plays the “elitist” card to get people to love them. Please.

No, it’s ok, I’ll wait here while you rummage around in that cluttered, useless head of yours.

When Scott Silver, whose last movie was “The Mod Squad,” was asked by Universal to write a screenplay for Eminem, he couldn’t resist. “I pitched something that reflected [the] outrageous humor and cartoonish violence of his records,” Silver told Entertainment Weekly. “They were like, ‘Uh, no.’ ” Universal wanted to expand the demographic of its hottest music property, so Silver was ordered to create a drama that could reach an audience with reservations about Eminem. Bush faced a similar task in winning over an electorate with doubts about the economy. His solution was to play down the message and play up personality. “8 Mile” does something similar by associating its star with root values like struggle and community. It’s a stump speech for Eminem.

Now, this is actually sorta true. The part about playing up personality to gain victories in the midterm elections falls prey to that giant gaping hole that just about every left-leaning commentator has seen fit to leap enthusiastically into, completely disregarding the real issues (no, not Tom Dascle’s “real issues”) of security and the the goddamned war on terrorism that people seem to, for some stupid reason, actually care about.

But I can grant his contention that this movie was a concious PR move by Eminem, and also that Bush succeeded last Tuesday in focusing the nation’s attentions on certain issues (which just happen to actually be the important ones, but don’t tell Dascle that, he might start pounding the podium again) that helped his party win seats in the House and Senate.

The glaring, obvious hey-look-at-me! point to all of this is, so the fuck what, you silly, mendacious craptacular cargo-container of literary vomitice? I suppose it would be asking too much to ask that you actually make some sort of more-concrete connection than “Oooh! Both of them made themselves more popular, look at that, they’re completely the same!”

What Goldstein doesn’t deign to do for us simpletons who can’t immediately and viscerally grasp all his wink wink suggestions of parallelism (after all, not everyone amongst us has the benefits of years of mindless indoctrination by nauseating dunderpates like yourself) . I’m surprised he didn’t mention something about the fact that hey guys, Hitler used PR to appeal to a wider audience too!

He also glosses over the fact that it is clueless, irrelevant cultural commentators on Goldstien’s side of the political divide who continually hailed Eminem’s downright sickening and violent tirades against all things he didn’t care for too much (like his mom and homosexuals) as a genuine voice of white urban youth, and as a cultural landmark to be praised for its artistic skill and “authenticity,” while most of those on the Right simply turned their noses upward and sniffed disapprovingly. In response to their stances against Em’s vile bigotry and crude profanity, they were of course derided as cultural philistines and simple-minded prudes for their trouble by the same kinds of people you have your morning lattes with, Goldstein.

The irony is almost as thick as chimp shit, only it smells a lot worse.

last update : 19-4-2018

Comments are closed.