Any in-the-know urbanite doesn’t have to think twice when someone talks about “rats with wings,” since they know the phrase refers to those swimming-with-disease vermin of the sky, pigeons whose sole object in life is to decorate our cars, front steps and heads in the nouveau art style the French have dubbed “r?sidus-chic.”

They’re annoying, they smell, they eat everything, and they spread disease.

“Rats with wings,” you see .

However, I’ll have to admit, I never had the mental creativity to guess that the wonderfully malign application of all the hatred focused on those disgusting rodents could ever be transferred to other bothersome creatures. The thought just seemed inappropriate and mean.

But over at Sneaking Suspicions, Mr . Schranck isn’t bothered by any such hesitancy, as he ascribes the “rats with x” slur to those most darling of woodland darlings, deer. It seems that a NYT story has recently latched onto the burgeoning deer population as a new environmental plague.

Deer] spread Lyme disease and livestock ailments . They are struck by cars, trucks and motorcycles more than a million times a year, with the accidents killing more than 100 people annually and causing more than $1 billion in damage.

The human toll makes deer deadlier than sharks, alligators, bears and rattlesnakes combined.

Bring me the head of Bambi .

Frank also informs us that folks who have had to live in close proximity to the cutely dangerous animals have long called them “rats with antlers.”

Well then! This phrase has possibilities. Think of it, we could start applying this to any kind of irritating pest we like (or rather “don’t like”) . It could start serving as a very useful shorthand for all those species of horribly troublesome beings that seem to continually make our lives just that much more difficult. Here are some of my preliminary suggestions…

  • Racoons: “Rats with hands”
  • Felines: “rats with cute widdle names”
  • College professors: “rats with tenure”
  • Bureaucrats: “rats with clipboards”
  • The French: “rats with berrets”
  • The Saudi Royal Family: “rats with bedsheets”
  • Hollywood lefties: “rats with facelifts”
  • Communists: “rats with a fervent belief in the mutability of human nature and an extreme will to power and violence based on a supposedly scientific reading of history which they call the ‘dialectic’, stating that all humanity will eventually reach an endpoint of historical ideological development in which workers control the means of production and all property is owned communally” ..not much of a ring to it, I know.
  • Idiotarians: “rats.” That’s it, just “rats”

Come on, I’m sure you people can come up with better stuff than that, right? Well have at it, please.

last update : 19-4-2018

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